Funny Stories

Funny Stories

Story #1

I was working at a hotel in Palm Desert a couple of months ago. The event was for an insurance company and they were having some sort of company get together. I was bussing a couple of tables in the front of the room when one of the bigwigs got on the stage and proceeded to introduce some other people from their leadership group. I wasn’t really listening and I was bending over one of my tables picking up a plate when all of a sudden everyone in the room began to applaud. I looked up and they were all staring at me. For a split second I began to think that this was the moment you see in all of the movies when the underdog hero is finally recognized by the other people in the movie for being so great. I was about to give a little wave to the crowd when I felt something behind me. I turned around and the woman whose plate I was picking up was waving to the crowd and I realized they were all applauding for her. She was a member of the leadership group. I hid my embarrassment and took her plate to the back. I am a moron.

Story #2

One of my pet peeves is when normal white people start talking like rap artists whenever a black person they know come by. I was working one event and I was having a normal conversation with a guy when a black friend of his came up to say hello. Here is what happened.

White Guy: “So I decided to try and check out this theater that holds auditions once a month and (his black friend approaches us) ……Yo Patrick what’s happnin’ dawg. You know I’m just chillin with my peeps ova here, fo real”.

Because of this pet peeve, I guess I try not to change my language style no matter whom I am talking to. But one time I was washing dishes at an event and it was close to the end of the night and a black security guard came up to me to see how things were going. Here is the conversation.

Guy: “Hey man, how you doing?”

Me: “Hey, how’s it going?”

Guy: “How are things going here?”

Me: (becoming the whitest person on the planet) “Well, I think things are progressing quite nicely, thank you”

I guess subconsciously I became even whiter than I am to counteract the need to speak like a rap artist. As soon as he walked away, I said to myself “I am the whitest person ever, in the history of the world.” I am a moron.

Story #3

I was in the beginning improv class a few weeks ago and there is a woman name Laurie that is kind of strange. I have written about her before in this blog. We were doing a character game where three people come on stage and are experts in some sort of area. The audience gets to ask them questions about their expertise and they are supposed to give funny answers. Most of the questions were pretty simple, just dealing with whatever the person might know a lot about. But Laurie jumped up and asked this question.

Laurie: “Yes, this question is for the dating expert. I used to work for Kentucky Fried Chicken and I would be in the restaurant and I would give people samples of extra crispy chicken to see if they liked it. I had rubber gloves on my hand and they would yell at me because I would use my hand to open the door to the back when I would need more samples. They said that I kept getting the gloves dirty because I would touch the door handle. How am I supposed to get the door open if I have gloves on and I can’t take them off because I can’t not have the gloves on when I am giving people the samples of the chicken? So what am I supposed to do with the gloves”?

The dating expert had no answer that satisfied Laurie. I guess I am not the biggest moron.